Current mood:	distressed
Current music:	Hyakunin-hama by Raoya

Ice and Gifts and lack of spirit
Its been pretty cold lately for where I live.. I dont see snow eve cause its never cold enough for it. Id say that the low tonight has been 35 degrees. We went to walmart for a bit to get some essentials and browse for a gift for my dad with no luck. Upon returning, I noticed that there was a thin layer of ice on my car.
burrrrrrrr.....
The whole neighborhood does a candle lighting this weekend every year, but it was really lame this time 'round. It rained A LOT yesterday and no one really cared today. My dad fixed our tacky (thats such a southern word) fiber optic tree so thats the only thing seen at our house.

Yesterday, my mother and I braved a crazy storm to go to the flea market where there was thousands of other people with the same idea. Its a covered flea market, but its still considered outside. I bought a pendant my mother picked out for her birthday and a large silver charm that matches a choker I have. My mom got my grandmother a rug and had some silly name road signs made for my dad to give to his siblings. I helped my mom pick out something for Amanda, my brother's gf. There are a few places there that sell chinese stuff so I found a blue purse I liked and she got that for her. Before we had come to this booth, I was looking at a neat windchime with chinese characters for my brother. Then my mom, when asked if he'd like it, tells me its better than what he got for me and that when I see it, I should be greatful regardless. This peaked my curiosity.. I bullied her till she told me what he bought me cause she kept saying how bad it was. He got me a buddha statue.. My mother, being the rabid southern baptist, eastern star cult member she is, was furious. I didnt mind her being upset, however. Im not really interested in buddha just as Im not interested in a god. In fact, I could get something else pretty nice out of it ^o^ muahahahaaa !! and I did ! Her plan was for him to give it to Amanda instead and she'd buy something else for him to give me. At that same chinese place, I found a nice framed paper carving of a chinese dragon but it was more than I wanted to spend on my brother, so my mom got it for me from him ! gyeeehee. He wasnt too happy that she asked him to do this. He was upset that what he picked out wasnt good enough. He didnt know I knew what he bought me and that I picked out the picture, btw. My mother told him I said I hated buddha.. I dunno if Id go that far, but, whatever :-p

After the flea market we went to Steinmart. I had no idea what they sold there and my mother told me junk, but she wanted a game they sold as someones gift. It was mad-crowded; so much that you could barely move through the department store junk.. My mom, after not finding the game got caught up looking at charms and I got a charm bracelet out of it ^_^
Its the standard silver loop bracelet with three charms that she got me: a blue butterfly, a smiley bat with marcasite stones on its wings, and a peculiar lobster/crab/starfish charm that although not something I care too much about I found quite unique ! I also wanted the airplane charm but she said no more, lol. I got in line after that and unlike the other long insane lines, got right up to the register second in line. Mom walks off. I waited a bit but she has vanished. I had no choice but to surrender my place and look for her...
big mistake !! Mostly because I found some clothes I couldnt do without. One was a silk pink jacket top with an oriental dragon motif. The pants were black silk with an oriental floral pattern. I got those too, lol. ^o^ Im so spolied sometimes !

We went home for a little while and I watched some more Papuwa and Live Action Sailor Moon until my mom and I went back out to the mall. It wasnt eventful there. I got a triple vanilla freezer from the coffee place and looked at some books for my dad that I didnt buy. At Best Buy, my mom got Fatal Frame II for my brother. It took us forever to find it. Youd think that new releases would be in view, but it was tucked in with the overstock over the main shelves. I bought my brother Pirates of the Carribean and my mom also got him Bruce Almighty. In the check out line, my mom catches site of the new Sarah Mc-however you spell her name cd. That was her christmas present from me.
Back home, I wasted the night watching Peace Maker Kurogane after I finished a christmas Kami greeting that hasnt been delivered yet.

I cant help but think he's mad at me.. Ive been feeling stressed out and just plain down in general lately. The other night I had started out in a good mood but ended it unable to stop crying. I just felt like I screwed up again... and the worst results were echoing in my mind. I remembered how shitty this month is for me. Everything always seems to come crashing down in December, but I dont want it to be like that now...

My eyes are filled with tears now just thinking about putting words down for it.

I really need him to be there..